This is a dark morning.
I suppose the bombardment of news stories, Facebook prayers, and the like, have caused me to pause and reflect and wonder how I might be able to express my feelings today.
Then one of those facebook posts spoke to me. It is the lyrics to a Christmas song from about 20 or so years ago
I want to share it with you:
Tears are falling,
hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our
world
Fragile fingers sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorns
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of
God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world
This is a morning when 20 sets of parents, as well as husbands and wives, opened their eyes ( if sleep ever came ) and had a split second of peace, only to have their sorrowful reality come flooding over their wounded souls like an inescapable ocean wave.
The very depths of their souls are wrenched in pain.
A tiny hamlet in Connecticut is longing for answers this morning. They are searching for meaning. They are wondering where God was during such an act of horrendous evil. I know that in our human-ness, our minds are bombarded with questions. We cannot imagine such suffering. Broken hearts long for someone or something to give us what so many times we cannot find. To answer the unanswerable. To find peace amid the chaos. Healing for shattered lives. A comfort that just won't come.
But those things DID come.
They came in the form of the very God who created the universe, wrapped in humanity and held tightly in the arms of a teenage mom. A mom who needed this tiny Son to save even HER. HE was the answer to the brokenness of a fallen world.
The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us...John 1:14
I suppose I am looking for my own answers and peace this morning. And He is speaking. My need for answers cannot compare to the parent who has just lost a child. But He understands my questioning as much as the ones experiencing the deep pain.
I can imagine there are questions today of "How can God be good and allow such things to happen?"
"Where was God?"
"Why would God permit such tragedies if He truly loved us?"
It is impossible to answer all the why's of God allowing us to walk through such darkness. But I do know where He was. He was there. He was in that room with those babies. He was in the firehouse with the parents who were waiting in vain for their children to walk out of that school. He was there...And He is here.
I also know another thing: He can be trusted.
God never said that we would not go through pain. In fact, He told us the opposite.
John 16:33 says:
He also told us that He would walk with us through the pain:
The times when we are in our deepest despair can become our most precious times with Him. He promises that we can have peace, even when we can't comprehend it.
I cannot pretend to understand such grief. But I have seen dear friends experience the loss of their children, and I have seen strength that I cannot explain. He is there. And He gives hope.
I believe that God wants us to know Him. Completely and totally. All of Him.
It would be impossible to know God's peace if we didn't have turmoil.
...to know His comfort if we didn't have pain.
...to know His joy if we didn't experience sorrow
...to know His healing if we weren't ever broken.
We can be certain that our suffering is never in vain, and that God will only allow us to go through what can be used later for His greater glory. He won't allow pain without a purpose. God has a plan. That plan can be trusted, and as the song once said, "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."
He is good. He is faithful. He is worthy of our praise and our love even on the darkest days.
So during this time of such tremendous sorrow, there is hope. There are promises that will not be broken. We look to the Christ Child in the manger. He came to bring light into this dark world. He came to rescue us from that darkness. This world needs His light. So when the conversations come, whether in person, or on Facebook, remind others of the Hope that we have who have put our trust in Him. This is an opportunity to introduce the TRUE Christ Child to someone who is without hope and without answers.
Tears are falling,
hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
God grant your peace. Hear the cries of the broken. Let your Spirit wrap up the hearts of those in unspeakable pain. Jesus, be TRULY near during this Christmas season. Show us your glory and give us hope. Light the way out of the darkness. Comfort. Heal. Restore. Love. We give you the praise you deserve and we trust you completely.
Amen.
I have been prompted lately to write.
I have titled this blog "Sundays and Seasons", reflective of the various aspects of my life as a woman who is a mother, daughter, sister, aunt, and also a pastor's wife. Sundays and Seasons pretty much covers all the bases that my life encompasses: Being a pastor's family, how a ministry life affects the home dynamic, the experiences of having 3 children who are in various stages of life, as well as growing older alongside my pastor husband.
My husband's name is Jeff and in August we will be celebrating 25 years of wedded bliss, as well as wedded struggles, victories, trials, survival, sorrows, and triumphs. Anyone who has been married for 25 years has probably come through a lot and can attest that there is a lot to celebrate! We have been through many seasons of raising children who have put us through the gauntlet of the parenting decathalon. We've dealt with issues from infant reflux to pacifier withdrawal, OCD and TIC disorder associated with Tourettes Syndrome, public school and home school, depression and panic attacks, lost homework, found homework ( after 10 years of being lost! ), picky eaters, self-esteem issues, sibling fights, sibling love, and fear of the dark. Even helping them through such tragic issues as the untimely deaths of childhood friends..Is that more than TEN? I did say decathalon. But of course any parent knows it's more like 5 or 6 decathalons while running a few marathons. Uphill. In the dark.
This whirlwind of parenting 3 very active, very talented, very DIFFERENT personality types of children, with very different needs, becomes even more interesting when you throw being a pastor's kid into the mix! So needless to say, there has been a lot we have learned, laughed at, cried over, and lived through!
A NEW SEASON
I mentioned surviving the infant reflux and pacifier withdrawals, didn't I? Well, this past weekend that little girl who used to keep us up all night, rocking, walking floors, going for midnight drives in the car and using kittens as bribes to take the "pappy" away, walked down the aisle on her daddy's arm, to be given away to another man. Thus thrusting us into a very new season of life as the parents of a married "child". I realized not long ago that I am now older than my mother was when my dad gave ME away! And my daughter, Jordan, is now older, at age 22, than I was when I gave birth to her at 21!
This is a thrilling time for our family. We adore Ryan, the young man who was absolutely hand-picked by God as a perfect compliment to her! They are both in worship ministry together, and I love watching them laugh with each other. Their senses of humor will get them through many rough patches, I'm sure.
As happy as we are about this blessed union, it has not come without some bittersweet moments and tears. It is such a strange thing to think
that the little one you held in your arms as a young, know-NOTHING, girl of 21, has grown into a woman who is ready to go her own way and start her own family. When I first looked into that little face 22 years and 9 months ago, I had no idea what was in store for my heart!! So many memories have flooded my mind lately, of red cowboy boots, toy horses with broken feet from some hard galloping, t-ball and softball games, tender-headed hair-brushing, pink slips for forgotten pencils, and agonizing over homework. I have been there for the high highs and the low lows. I have smiled smiles and cried tears she will never ever know about.
As the years passed, we never could have dreamed of the musical talent that would blossom, from those first years of pecking on the piano, to the first DRUM SET, to 6th grade saxophone playing ( Shut that door while you practice!! ), and to that first Takemine guitar on Christmas morning. There were months and months of practicing in a New York basement while watching every finger movement in those Steven Curtis Chapman videos. We knew early on that there was something there that God was going to use in a special way.
But what makes me most proud is seeing the passion and hunger for Christ that has grown in her heart. She is truly a seeker of God's will, having a heart for women in prison, for teaching, and for writing and performing music that touches people's souls, and very importantly displays her love for Him!
I have loved watching the special relationship she has with her dad, and seeing the transition from older sister who couldn't wait to get away from her little brother, to the older sister who can't wait to get home so they can hang out and drive us crazy with their jokes and laughter and Spongebob quote-athons! And she has been the most admired person ever for a baby brother who is 12 years younger than she is. His biggest thrill is when Big Sis comes home for a visit, and his deepest sorrow is when she leaves. That is really saying something of his love for her.
So how is it possible that this new season has come so quickly upon us? The years have flown by, but in other ways, it seems we have had her forever. In fact, she has been my daughter exactly HALF of my life! But as my husband reminded me when he was giving her away on Saturday, she was only on loan to us for a little while. She has been learning all her life to leave our nest and is now ready to fly on her own. Yes, it is bittersweet, but I know she is ready. Despite my mistakes and failures as the mom of a firstborn.
There is a song that I used to know that tells us as parents to "hold on to the years"...A mom holds those precious years so closely, and there are some things that are not meant to be written down in blogs or on facebook, but we are to do as Mary did, just ponder them in our hearts. So as seasons come and go and continue to change, I say: Hold on to the years! The memories are precious and priceless treasures...And before you know it, the red cowboy boots become red wedding shoes. And they will be put away in her own closet, in her own home....With her husband's shoes beside them!
"I wa-wa", Jordan Shea!!
